Dumb Love
Johnson, K. J.
2005
New Milford, CT: Roaring Book Press
Age Range: 12 - 16
Genre: Romance
Rating: 1/5


Carlotta, a full-bodied 16 year old gal looking for love, is in the midst of writing a romance novel, keeping her father-of-heart sober, winning the boy of her dreams, and getting her mom to quit being, well, dumb in love. Quirky circumstances ensue, rife with friends who started out as enemies, strawberry ice cream, multiple crushes, and a whole lotta Jesus-will-keep-you-safe-even-though-we're-making-fun-of-religion humor.

Egads.

Dumb Love = Dumb Book. Plain and simple. Plot: lacking. Humor: attempting to be Brit Chick Lit, but failing miserably. Character development: minimal. Overall: bad.

Although, I did brush up on some slang to make me all the more hip with the kids. Ready for it?

VV = very virgin
True Romance Breasts = big and BIG
Total Dead Zone = romance that's over even before it began
Fatso = blessed flesh (in Italian)
Behemoth = appropriate name for a full-bodied gal in this high school, apparently

I repeat: egads.

And, as a final thought (á la Jerry Springer), in light of recent press over the usage of "scrotum" [insert gasps of horror here], I leave you with an excerpt:

The setting: writing class.
"Rosie [main character in Carlotta's murder-mystery romance novel] might be incorporeal but she could rip your balls right off your stupid dick."
"Class!"
"Try it," Walker laughed.
"Balls aren't part of the dick," Andrea announced, leaning in so Walker could get a close-up of her petite, sweater-clad breasts. "While attached, they're a separate entity."