Step Up

2006

Fletcher, A. (Director)
USA

Touchstone Pictures

Age Range: 12+

Format: Video, Movie

Genre: Drama, Music, Dance

Rating: 2/5

Tyler, a hip-hop-bad-boy, Vanilla-Ice-wannabe from "the wrong side of the tracks" beats the shit out of a rich-kid arts school, so has to do community service as janitor amongst the pretty dancers and singers. And of course, falls for Nora, the prettiest and bestest of them all. They are thrown together out of happenstance to practice for Nora's final project (no one else can do it but the janitor??), and dramatic, frolicking romance ensues.

Yes.

I swear. It does indeed ensue.

Complete with loads and loads of dancing.

Although, somewhat enjoyable, in that "oh God, it hurts" kind of way. A movie for the S&M freak in all of us!

But, really.. what you want to hear is the real dirt! I figured I'd do something a little different this time 'round, and make J. (boyfriend extraordinaire/scathing critic) help me out a little. For what follows, I cannot be held accountable.

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How Jamie Saw It:

In a toss up for worst movie in the entire universe, it’s a neck-in-neck race between Step Up and the movie I made in my grade 11 comp. tech. class (it was mostly just a film of our janitor, Mel, sweeping around the urinals).

I’m proud to say that I officially made the second worst movie in the universe.

It’s the age old tale of the poor guy from the wrong side of the tracks who through a twist of fate (and some sweet dance moves), meets and bags the rich girl from the right side of the tracks. Too bad the bloody train didn’t hit them.

I’ve actually ruined the plot for you though… well, not ruined, per say; it wasn’t really that much to begin with. Actually, I don’t even think it had a plot. It had characters, I know that. And they could dance, I know that too. And it had Brenda Chenowith from Six Feet Under, that part I recall. As an aside, she has ginormous boobies.

Sadly, this is how I will remember Step Up.

Rating: 0.5/5 (half-points for boobies)

Whole New Thing
2005
Buchbinder, A. (Director)
Canada
Acuity Pictures Production
Filmed in Nova Scotia
Age Range: 14+
Format: Video, Movie
Genre: Independent Film, Drama/Comedy
Rating: 3.5/5



Emerson, an androgynous, home-schooled thirteen year old is forced to attend junior high in the small-town school. Eloquent, intelligent and insightful, yet unskilled in young adult social graces, Emerson is, unsurprisingly, somewhat of an outsider. He falls in love with his English teacher, Mr. Grant, a man on the outside of the small town himself when he sees a kindred soul in the man. Through odd circumstance, Emerson, his parents and Mr. Grant all find peace within themselves and grow together in this odd coming-of-age story.

So, picture it: my boyfriend and I are at the movie store. I'm looking for "young adult" movies to rent to blog about, and I've been cautioned that only one dancing movie is acceptable under our newly fashioned relationship rules (in the car on the way). This does not give me many options. I somehow end up in the independent film section, and remember that, yeah, I used to watch weird little movies in high school - why not! So I choose Whole New Thing based solely on the fact that there's a young adult in it. I'm going to admit that I hardly even read the back. Shame on me.

But you know what? Delightfully surprised! This is one weird movie! But in such good ways! And as a bonus, it was filmed right here in good ol' Nova Scotia, and it's an award winner not only in Atlantic Canada, but also Internationally. I know that I would have probably enjoyed this film as a young adult, but I'm really doubting the mass-marketability of it to teens. I was, well.. weird. I liked weird music and weird books and weird movies and not in the "I hate everything that's mainstream" kind of way, just in the "God, she's dorky, eh?" kind of way. I adore Emerson's character; he's weird and ballsy and has his heart on his sleeve and doesn't really know how else to be. He's my kind of weird. There were scenes that made me a tad uncomfortable: Emerson tricks his teacher-crush into joining him in the sauna (although nothing happens), and Emerson is propositioned by none other than Ken from Street Cents (my childhood! OK.. it's just the guy that played him.. not really Ken), and it's a very intense, emotional and uncomfortable scene. But it's supposed to be.

A movie about small-town life, unhappiness, love, despair, poetry, sex, Shakespeare, inspiration and family, Whole New Thing was definitely worth the late charges!

The Black Parade
My Chemical Romance
2006
Reprise Records
Age Range: 12+
Format: Audio Recording, Music
Genre: Emo, Rock
Rating: 3/5


Derivative emo, complete with whining and make-up and tight t-shirts! Which the band apparently denies to the death? But, hell.. it's definitely better than about 90% of what's going on right now in accessible mainstream music for young adults. I can completely tell that they loved Cursive's Ugly Organ and took off from there (and really, who didn't LOVE Ugly Organ?), and that they were obsessed with Iron Maiden in Junior High. Again.. nothing wrong there! Right? Right.

The dudes can sing, it's loud and there are some messed-up time signatures, so it's at least interesting at parts. It flows pretty well as an album, and I only felt like turning three of the songs off within the first 30 seconds ("I Don't Love You," "Cancer" and "Disenchanted"). It also makes me bop my head, and kind of reminds me of Undergrad (debatable whether that's good!).

All in all, not a bad listen. I can definitely see why they're the big thing right now; if I was 14, I'd be all over these guys! I'd probably even think they were cute (especially Gerard).

Seven Deadly Sins (Series)
Lust (2005)
Envy (2006)
Wrath (2006)
Wasserman, R.
New York: Simon Pulse
Age Range: 14+
Genre: Series
Rating: 3/5

Welcome to Melrose Place for teens. Only it's in back-water California where nothing exciting ever really happens. So the kids gotta make it for themselves!

Meet the cast:

• Harper: the bitch
• Kane: the slut
• Adam: the all-American boy
• Beth: Adam's goody-goody girlfriend
• Miranda: Harper's second in command
• Kaia: the new rich snot from New York

Okay. This plot line is going to take some brain power, so stay alert. Think Days of Our Lives meets Gossip Girls. But who can tell, really? Ready? Let's go! Harper wants Adam, who has been her best friend since diapers. Miranda wants Kane, but she's too average to get the hot guy. Kaia wants the new french teacher who just happens to be British and have a Jude Lawishness to him. Kane wants Beth because she's unattainable. Adam wants to be the all-American boy, but he gets sucked in by Kaia's willingness to jump him in shitty motels. Beth wants to get into a good college and keep her knees together. And no one ever gets what they want. Well.. almost. A plan is hatched to break up Adam and Beth so Harper and Kane can swoop in. This plan doesn't particularly account for Miranda's feelings, or anyone else's for that matter, and all hell breaks loose eventually, as it always does in these soap-opera situations.

And it lasts for SEVEN BOOKS.

Sweet honorable God.

Right. Well.. as bad as it all is, with the gratuitous sex and the coolness of smoking and the underage drinking and the HAVING SEX WITH A TEACHER, it ain't half bad. It's terrible, no doubt. But in the same way that Marlena being possessed by the devil was terrible. Or the clan of 90210 all being 35 while the show aired. In other words, the kind of terrible that makes you keep on getting suckered into it.

It's popular and brainless and not terribly written, so it's going to have to be on the shelves. And this is something we've alllllllllll got to deal with! So let's embrace the soul-less series for teenage girls and remember that sometimes, girls just a-wanna have fun, Etc., Etc..

American Born Chinese
Yang, G.L.
2006
New York: First Second
Age Range: 12+
Genre: Award Winning Fiction
Format: Graphic Novel
Rating: 4.5/5



In this impressive telling of three interrelated stories, Yang truly captures the experience of being an outsider. The life of Jin Wang, the only Chinese-American student at his new school, mixes inexplicably with the ancient Chinese fable of the Monkey King through the tale of Chin-kee, THE Chinese stereotype who ruins his cousin Danny's reputation at his American high school.

Exciting, well-drawn, action-filled, telling, emotional, uncomfortable and just plain good, American Born Chinese says the things that people aren't supposed to say, and says them so that you really see the horror that language can create. The reader's comfort level goes out the window with the introduction of Chin-kee, and as we see the stereotypes meld and the realizations form, we are as transformed as Jin Wang by his personal revelations.

A recommended read!

Alice on the Outside
Naylor, P.R.
1999
New York: Simon & Schuster
Age Range: 11 - 14
Genre: Controversial Books, Realistic Fiction
Rating: 3/5



Alice: almost 14, blunt, motherless, inquisitive, creative, and feeling a little outside of her life as she knows it. While the rest of the grade eights are worrying about what dress to wear at the prom, Alice is asking the real questions: what's it really like to have sex? Why won't her brother hold a steady girl? Will her dad win her teacher's love? What's it like to be gay? Is there prejudice in her school? Should she dump her boyfriend for the school photographer? You know, the usual!

Reading a little like a progressive sex-ed text over-layed with a predictable plot, Alice on the Outside isn't exactly earth-shattering. But it's not terrible, either. Although deemed controversial for direct language dealing with sexuality, the only controversial aspects I experienced were accidental: use of "a gay," for instance, when talking about a guy in Alice's brother's university. Eeep. The more standard controversy material was just fine. A little dry, perhaps, but offering perfectly OK information to questioning teenagers. I did feel that the emphasis on Catholicism was a tad extreme. Sister Madeline tells girls to keep their feet on the floor. Groping is touching anything that should be covered by a bathing suit. Keep your knees together, girls. It's really unnecessary! Especially the constant comment of marriage as the only respectable template for sex. Alice and her friends need to know what sex feels like so they won't be in the dark on their wedding night. Umm...... I'm not sure about you, but.. antiquated much?

Realism is, obviously, completely out the window, even though the whole point is the book is to give a "realistic" portrayal of questioning teenage girls. I think it falls flat on many outcomes, but is overall an entertaining book that does seek to answer some of the burning questions. I would like to read an equivalent book for a young male audience; are there any?? Recommendations?

CosmoGIRL
December 2006/January 2007
Hearst Communications, Inc.

Age Range: 14+
Format: Magazine
Rating: 1/5

Although naming Satan as a contributor may be a tad extreme, Mr. Maxwell does indeed hold a certain truthfulness in his commentary on this magazine. CosmoGIRL is, well.. watered down Cosmo. What were we really expecting, right? Far be it for me to condemn a good trashy mag - there's a time and a place for everything. Cosmo and associates are built for grocery-shop lines, doctor's office waiting rooms, and long airplane rides. When trifle is necessary. When one needs to know 99 ways to tantalize "your man."

Or, you know... maybe Lucas was right.

Reading CosmoGIRL is kind of a roller-coaster of ethical decision-making. I hate it. I want my ass to look like that. I hate it. That make-up could really make my eyes do that? I hate it. I love reading people's embarrassing moments. I hate it. It's just too much to bear. I dislike the emphasis on body perfection, on make-up, on clothes, on boys, on everything stereotypically "teenage girl." And, I suppose, that's why it's so popular.

Strangely enough, in this issue, CosmoGIRL did attempt to exhibit an ethical standard. They offered up a handful of women that won their "Born To Lead" award for 2006. On this list are real-life young women who are making a difference in the world: feeding hungry, clothing needy, etc. And then, balancing out the good... the abomination of abominations: Christina Aguliera as the top leading woman of 2006. CHRISTINA. AGULIERA. Christina "Drrty" Aguliera. Born to lead. Lead who, you may ask? Lead them where, I reply?

*Sigh*

At least I did learn some things:

• High School Musical is cool, and I am super lame because I have no idea what it is.
• Cameron Diaz drives a Prius and wants everyone to be environmentally friendly.
• Hilary Swank is passionate about brushing her teeth.
• Justin Timberlake is a burping master.
• You OBVIOUSLY do not have to be a teenage girl to be IN CosmoGIRL, as is quite evident by the above-mentioned folk.
• Dancing is the new singing.
• My winter coat is actually in fashion.
• I *might* be depressed (but I doubt it)!
• There are at least 20 items that I could buy at $15 USD to be HOT HOT HOT.
• 1980s style is cool. Sweet Honourable God.

So, really.. CosmoGIRL is trashy. It gives complexes to chubby, pimpled smart girls. It's all about beauty tips and embarrassing stories and perfume ads and terrible photo shoots of too-thin girls in skinny jeans and ankle boots. It's brainless and useless and promotes horrible self-concepts. But.. it's popular. It's therefore necessary to have in a public library.

We MUST change the world in order to make this UNPOPULAR. Our mission as librarians: eradicate Cosmo.

Give It Up! And Other Short Stories
Kafka, F.
Illustrated by: Kuper, P.
1995
New York: ComicsLit
Age Range: 16+
Genre: Comics; Graphic Novel
Rating: 4/5



Award-winning artist Peter Kuper interprets nine of Kafka's short stories in bold, rich and beautiful black and white graphics. Kafka's wit, cynicism, sarcasm and insight into human nature are cleverly depicted in snapshot form. Not everything is said, not everything is known, but everything fits together perfectly.

A collection for the young adult literary critic, the introspect, the "thinker;" this is perhaps not a drastically popular title for adolescents, but the quality of the work makes this a great choice.

For merging Kafka with stark black and white art, and more importantly for doing it well, Kuper gets my nod. Kafka has a decidedly young adult perspective of the world, and the marriage of his words with amazing art makes this comic accessible, effective and downright cool for young adults to read!