CosmoGIRL
December 2006/January 2007
Hearst Communications, Inc.

Age Range: 14+
Format: Magazine
Rating: 1/5

Although naming Satan as a contributor may be a tad extreme, Mr. Maxwell does indeed hold a certain truthfulness in his commentary on this magazine. CosmoGIRL is, well.. watered down Cosmo. What were we really expecting, right? Far be it for me to condemn a good trashy mag - there's a time and a place for everything. Cosmo and associates are built for grocery-shop lines, doctor's office waiting rooms, and long airplane rides. When trifle is necessary. When one needs to know 99 ways to tantalize "your man."

Or, you know... maybe Lucas was right.

Reading CosmoGIRL is kind of a roller-coaster of ethical decision-making. I hate it. I want my ass to look like that. I hate it. That make-up could really make my eyes do that? I hate it. I love reading people's embarrassing moments. I hate it. It's just too much to bear. I dislike the emphasis on body perfection, on make-up, on clothes, on boys, on everything stereotypically "teenage girl." And, I suppose, that's why it's so popular.

Strangely enough, in this issue, CosmoGIRL did attempt to exhibit an ethical standard. They offered up a handful of women that won their "Born To Lead" award for 2006. On this list are real-life young women who are making a difference in the world: feeding hungry, clothing needy, etc. And then, balancing out the good... the abomination of abominations: Christina Aguliera as the top leading woman of 2006. CHRISTINA. AGULIERA. Christina "Drrty" Aguliera. Born to lead. Lead who, you may ask? Lead them where, I reply?

*Sigh*

At least I did learn some things:

• High School Musical is cool, and I am super lame because I have no idea what it is.
• Cameron Diaz drives a Prius and wants everyone to be environmentally friendly.
• Hilary Swank is passionate about brushing her teeth.
• Justin Timberlake is a burping master.
• You OBVIOUSLY do not have to be a teenage girl to be IN CosmoGIRL, as is quite evident by the above-mentioned folk.
• Dancing is the new singing.
• My winter coat is actually in fashion.
• I *might* be depressed (but I doubt it)!
• There are at least 20 items that I could buy at $15 USD to be HOT HOT HOT.
• 1980s style is cool. Sweet Honourable God.

So, really.. CosmoGIRL is trashy. It gives complexes to chubby, pimpled smart girls. It's all about beauty tips and embarrassing stories and perfume ads and terrible photo shoots of too-thin girls in skinny jeans and ankle boots. It's brainless and useless and promotes horrible self-concepts. But.. it's popular. It's therefore necessary to have in a public library.

We MUST change the world in order to make this UNPOPULAR. Our mission as librarians: eradicate Cosmo.